MindWorks
The Civility of Good Communication
Robert M. Brown III, Ph.D., contributing editor
On a recent trip to conduct some business, I decided to catch the local bus as opposed to driving. As the bus driver picked up passengers in several residential neighborhoods, a young woman boarded and she sat across from me in the seats that face each other in the front of the bus. She immediately reached for her cellular phone to see, I am presuming, who may have called her or sent a text message. A few minutes later, a young man boarded the bus and sat next to me. He apparently knew the young woman sitting across from us. They immediately greeted each other and began a conversation. After a minute or so of conversing, something happened. These two young people, probably no more than 19 or 20, began using profanity while they were having what, otherwise, would have been considered a normal conversation. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The aforementioned exchange, which was pleasant, had become a diatribe that was replete with every curse word known to man...and woman.
If this wasn’t bad enough, what was equally disturbing to me was that no one on the bus seemed to be affected by this offensive language. Or, perhaps, they chose to ignore this inappropriate behavior to preclude any type of backlash. I waited for a few moments to see if these young people were going to come to their senses, realize where they were and adjust their behavior accordingly. This did not happen. In fact, their use of profanity increased. I thought that the bus driver might have said something to them. He did not. A few stops later, an older woman boarded the bus and sat in the front of the bus while these two misguided young people continued their profane conversation. I was compelled to speak. I turned to the young man and stated that “you really shouldn’t use that language on this bus and especially not in the presence of this lady,” referring to the older woman who had just boarded. As he turned towards me, he put his hand to his mouth, as if catching himself before he said another profane word. But, as he saw me, he abruptly stopped correcting himself, dismissively put his hand up i.e., talk to the hand and continued his conversation. What happened next was an exercise in self-control on my part. I chose to respond to this young person with silence while looking directly at him. I am sure that while I said nothing, my glare betrayed my true sentiments about the matter.
Giving proper respect, extending common courtesy (i.e., good morning, good afternoon, please, thank you), doing the right thing without being prompted because it is the right thing to do and showing kindness, to name a few, are becoming the exception rather than the rule in more and more instances. The behavior exhibited on the bus by the two young people is not uncommon. And, this kind of behavior is a gender, racial, socio-economic and geographically neutral phenomenon in America. The new standard seems to be pointed towards the gutter rather than the heavens. Quite frankly, people are afraid to get involved because of perceived and real consequences. I am not advocating that people put themselves in harm’s way but I do suggest reporting bad behavior, especially in public, to local authorities.
Remember, civility begins at home and should be extended to our loved ones, neighbors and be on display in our communities, places of work and the larger society. Every person deserves to be respected and to give respect. Showing civility costs nothing but it’s value is priceless.